the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
