Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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