You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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