Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
