Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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