Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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