I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
