Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
