if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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