Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
