i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
