finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All the doctor said was why
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