i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
