Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize