you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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