You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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