I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
