Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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