need another drink. this is the easiest way
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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