gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
