ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
