I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
