Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
