I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
