i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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