I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
