i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
