I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
