I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
