His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
