I hate your face
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
