Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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