Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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