you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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