Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
