I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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