he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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