Cold hands, warm shart.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
