I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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