I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
