I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
