those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
