five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
