so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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