either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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