I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
