Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
