I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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