i think my tv is drunk
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
