Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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