I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is my gift to your gina
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
