it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
