well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the day after is always just damage control
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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