Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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