If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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