we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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