she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
