I haven't been this sober since birth.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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