I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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