bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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