Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
