Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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