would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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