have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
