3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
