coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the raccoons are back...
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