Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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