the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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