Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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