Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
