im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
