Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
