I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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