God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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