I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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