his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
