I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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