Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
only if we run a train.
done.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
