Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
